I wake in the morning groggily from a perfect dream that was rudely interrupted by my alarm screaming at me to get out of bed. I put my feet down on the ground, it’s Monday. As I enter the bathroom, I glance at my reflection in the mirror. There stands a woman with crazy bed head hair, puffy eyes, and baggy pajamas. My eyes drift to the floor, to the cold, heartless machine that begs me to stand on it so it can laugh at me for eating those extra carbs and chocolate yesterday.
I finish my morning wake up routine and move on to the closet to get my workout clothes on. After perusing my closet for clothes that are old, don’t fit me, or just don’t match. I settle for the black tank top and blue yoga pants, they give me a feeling of self-reassurance that my weeks of consistent workouts are paying off. Before slipping on my confident clothes, I hear the scale call to me “just take a look.” You won’t be disappointed. (Note, I don’t really hear voices of inanimate objects talking to me, that would be weird. It is more of my sub-conscience poking at me in the form of the scale.) So, I hear this and give in to my temptation to see my number.
Am I disappointed? A little, ok, that would be a lie. I am disappointed. Knowing how hard I worked for these past weeks, why haven’t I seen better results? I meal prep, I work hard at drinking my liquids and yet, this. Now the real battle begins. I look at myself in the mirror who am I? Do I let this number tell me who I am? Do I let it keep hold of my emotions? Do I let myself wallow in my disappointment, throw in the towel and eat a bowl of vegan chocolate cereal? Forget the cereal… vegan chocolate?
Jenn, do you want to give up? Do you want this number to define you? WHO ARE YOU? Who am I? This is that moment I look in the mirror and find gratitude in what I see, in who I have become inside and out. I know who I am, I AM A FIGHTER. I have gone long enough with the self-negative talk that I don’t need that to degrade me or motivate me. I am a strong, confident mama that loves my children enough to take care of me so I can be with them. I am a person who loves others, and every day is learning to love myself for who I am and what I look like. I am a wife that puts my love, devotion, and strength into my husband and I am a child that knows when I need help, and I call on my God to hold my hand. My weakness is my opportunity to grow.
At this moment, I put on my confident clothes, smile and say, “I love you.” “Thank you.” I tie my shoes, grab my gym bag and make the day the best day ever. In this bathroom battle, I WIN!
Note to my reader: I am sure you have faced a bathroom battle a time or two. Know that the number on the scale does not define you. Don’t let the little voice inside your head tell you that you are not worth it. You have fought to be where you are, and you are enough. Don’t quit, keep moving forward with the things in your life that make you happy and healthy.
I LOVE this!
I have fought the bathroom battle so many times and still do. I’m learning to love and accept myself more though as I grow.
Thank you for this encouraging post Jennifer. It was definitely needed. <3